Lately I've been battling internally whether I want to take that next step as a runner and take part in a half-marathon. I'm sure many passionate runners go through the same process of whether to take the next step and how to go about training for it. However, I am less concerned as to whether I'll be able to finish the marathon and more about whether I really want to take the plunge at all!
Running is something that I have only recently discovered and it's definitely my favourite past-time. I took it up and started running seriously just over a year ago now, and I haven't been able to stop since.
But running, to me, is so enjoyable because it is like no other "sport" I've ever experienced. I am so content to run because it's not about how fast I am going, or how well I can run, but rather the very in the moment experience of stepping out my front door and performing one of the most basic human movements. It is such a raw, free, and isolated experience that I find it hard to imagine doing it for any purpose other than to simply enjoy it.
I have only ever been involved in one running event: the City-to-Bay run in 2013, which was a 12km run. It was a great experience, and I will probably do it again one day, but there are certain things about it that I did not enjoy at all.
First of all, the realisation that there would be a set time and day to complete this run was a stress-inducing idea to me. I had a deadline, and I had to do it as far as I was concerned. There was no backing out and I needed to be both physically and mentally prepared to run in this instance.
I am also naturally competitive. I instinctually compare myself to others in all aspects of my life, and having had no real sporting ability in the past (my physical education teacher definitely saw no potential in me and I was too stubborn to try), comparing my physical ability to others is a daunting experience. It also takes away from the calm feeling I usually get from running. Whenever I visit my mum and run with her (although I still enjoy it), my mind jumps to thoughts about my running pace and pushing myself a little further than her. I'm constantly aware of my surroundings. But I don't want running to be competitive, I want it to meditative!
My real concern is that running in a formal setting such as a half-marathon will have me focusing on an event, rather than an experience; one that I usually have on my own without thousands of people running beside me.
However, despite my concerns, I think one day I will complete a half-marathon. Although I'm sure the experience will be different for me, and my head space will not be the same as when I usually run, it could still be a great experience. It's something that I'd like to prove to myself that I can do. Any opportunity to run, really!
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